she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
