Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
