Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
