and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
