First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
