i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
