so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
