She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
