I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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