First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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