i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
