I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you never un-have a 4some
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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