Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
