No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
