I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
