I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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