He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
