I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
