i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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