drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
