I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
