morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I could make wine with my vomit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
