That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
