'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
