Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
