I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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