i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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