How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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