Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just pee around me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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