but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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