i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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