i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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