I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've blown a few things in my day
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
