i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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