I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
