I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize