I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
