If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
