i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
