I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
