M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
COCAINE IS GR8
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
