On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
