Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize