I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
