I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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