Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I intend to get homeless drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
