the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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