I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
