if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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