I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
