you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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