i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize