I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
