I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize