I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
