Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
