How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
