you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
