I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize