It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
