I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
