this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
