your parents love me but you hate me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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