We won't sleep together?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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