Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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