she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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