miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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