My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
