Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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