when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
