Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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