no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
