There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
