Cold hands, warm shart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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