The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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