It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
