Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
