so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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