'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im holly from the hills drunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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