Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
