i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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