I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she peed on how many people?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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